A lot has happened since my last report of my Race in New Zealand in March - well not a lot really - Just big news of Baby #2 set to arrive December 2016 - and my rekindled love/hate relationship with being a pregnant triathlete.
I'm not even sure what I want to say in this first post, but I'm already emotional just thinking about it. Yay for pregnancy hormones!!!
I started this blog 2 1/2 years ago after the birth of my son, to bring a voice to my unexpected struggles while trying to get back to being a competitive triathlete. It was hard. Much harder then I expected. Both physically and emotionally. Now I'm struggling during pregnancy, and wanting to bring a voice, some hope and some new resources to those who can resonate with my stories.
The beginning 12 weeks of this pregnancy were not fun. I felt hung-over every day, all day, without the fun the night before. Although that has gotten better, my diet has not been up to the par I expect from myself, and my decrease in exercise is bumming me out. (Future blog post about the expectations we put on ourselves as moms:) ) My energy has also gotten better, and I find the more active I stay, the better my energy is throughout the day. I was able to walk/run up until about a week ago, now the run is only 4 minutes of my 30-40 minute session - so I started swimming this week!!! I haven't swam since my race in March, and although I look pretty funny doing wide legged flip turns, I have a small bit of time where I don't feel SO pregnant. Plus just being in the water is, I think, good therapy for anyone.
So that should all make me very happy! Right??? Don't get me wrong, when I have the patience and time to look at my life and get my attitude right, I can't complain, I've got it pret-ty good. But it's really hard sometimes to 'Be OK' with getting bigger. And with Baby #2, it happened a lot sooner than with my son. I know my body is doing the good work of growing an entire human in my body. I get it. But it still bums me out when I can't reach my bike handle bars anymore, or my 2 1/2 year old runs faster than I can - dead serious.
I have to remind myself every day that this pregnancy will soon be over and I will miss it:) I have to remind myself every day that it's nice to slow down for a 10 month+ 'season' and enjoy not having to train and race. I have to remind myself every day that I simply need more rest while being pregnant, working and taking care of a toddler. All of this will pass all too soon. But it's a daily struggle to feel beautiful. I feel like a barrel and my boobs just wont stop growing. seriously. they're huge. And I can't help but think what they will be like when nursing before the start of a race next summer :) I'm sure it will turn some heads. Every other pregnant woman I look at looks ADORABLE, with a fabulous belly, but I still feel like I look like I gained 28 lbs and people can't tell if I'm pregnant or not.
Some of you that know me are probably rolling your eyes thinking I look great, I'm an athlete, I'm active. But it's all about how we see ourselves. How we feel about ourselves. I quietly struggle with my physical self in a very emotional, internal way, and it's hard to overcome that sometimes.
Then something like this happens - while getting dressed at the gym this morning, a woman passes by and tells me I look adorable. Brought the biggest smile to my face. I rubbed my baby, gave her a quick squeeze, and got on my way. It's another opportunity for me to Win This Day, and be the best woman, momma, wife, sister, daughter, friend, triathlete (if I can' still call myself that - idea #2 for future post), I can be. So if you see a pregnant momma, tell her she looks beautiful. She might cry, but you just made her day.
There is a community that has just begun here in the Twin Cities, called the Mid Drift Movement. I encourage you to check it out and watch their quick film. Their goal is "to change society’s unrealistic expectations of what a mother’s body should look like and to embrace motherhood’s physical transformations." I can't wait to work on this myself as the months go forward, and I look forward to spilling my guts about my struggles and triumphs as baby's Birth Day get closer, and then, how in the world I am going to train and race with a newborn and a toddler next summer? I have no idea - but I'm going to Tri!!!
XOXOXOXXOOO!!!
