I Don't Know

"I don't know"  I say that phrase a lot these days - I have very inquisitive three year old.  Why is it raining Mom?  Why does sun go down Mom?  Why aren't there dinosaurs anymore Mom? Why can't we go to Sodor and visit Thomas the Train and his Friends Mom?  How can reindeer fly when they don't have wings? Most of the time my answer is "I don't know", because I truly don't know the answer. Then his smarty pants daddy suggested respond with "It's science".....to which the toddler started asked "What do you mean?  Why is it science?"  Seriously Kid?!?! [Quick side note - When I told him this morning the reindeer fly because Santa has reindeer dust - he laughed and said "That's silly Mom, reindeer don't really fly because it's just a story - Santa Pup is real"  (My father in law "Pup", dressed up as Santa this year and we all thought T bought it - obviously he was just entertaining us) Sorry fellow moms if T is the one who explains to your toddler about the 'real Santa']

But on the way home from taking him to school this morning I started thinking that I should really start getting my training plain on paper (my first triathlon this season is in um....Holy Crap - THREE WEEKS...um haven't swam since march 2015....this should be interesting).  I was reminded of what a fellow athlete mama asked me weeks ago.  We had just met and started talking and she learned that I race triathlons and that I also did an Ironman post baby#1 (said Toddler)  She has two kiddos as well and raced marathons previous to being a Mom, but as we all experience, Mom 'anything' time goes down the tubes when you start popping humans out. (And Dad 'anything' time for that matter)  I mentioned that I signed up for all of my races this summer and she asked "How do you know you will be ready?"  You know?  I hadn't really thought of it.  To my advantage are the many many many triathlons already under my belt, so understanding what I was getting myself into was well known.  But will I be ready?  What is Ready really?  

Will I be ready to win?  Certainly not 

Will I be ready to place?  Probably not

Will I be ready to beat my previous race times?  Huh - I don't know - I hope so? (Yes J, I realize hopes not a method)Will I be ready to finish?  Even if I'm crawling.

Will I be ready when the starting gun goes off?  Yup

Will I be ready to try my hardest until I puke?  You Betcha

Will I puke? Chances are......

Will I be ready to give my son a high five down the finish shoot?  YES

Will I be ready to grab my 5 month old daughter after the finish line?  HELL YES

Will I be ready for the tears before, during and after?  Most Certainly

I don't really know if I will be ready the way I would like to be ready.  And I won't know if I'm ready until I try.  The worst thing that could happen is I don't even show up.  Screw not finishing - You can't even do that if you're not at the starting line.  I'm running and biking once each week.  Doing Yoga Barre 2-3 times per week (thanks www.blooma.com !)  I haven't swam a full set since my last race in March 2015.  And i haven't had a full nights sleep in 4 1/2 months.  Definitely not the training volume (or recovery) I'm used to committing to racing.  I don't know if I'll be happy when the alarm goes off that tells me I have to get up for the race before dawn.  But I'm going to do it - it beats cleaning the house - and I love seeing my kids in an environment of community like there is at a triathlon.

I want them to see their Mama try.  And I want them to see their Mama struggle.  I want them to see their Mama being strong and tough.  Heck - I want to see me do all those things!  This might not be the season of PRs, but it gives me something to chase, something to be better at, something to keep me healthy, something to inspire other Moms spectating the race who have been thinking "I could do that!!"

Yes, you can mama.

YES YOU CAN!